Film Rants pt.2 "War of the Worlds"

War of the Worlds! War of the Worlds - piece of crap more like!

Take it as an adaptation of the book - it is incorrect, inaccurate and even dares to re-writes H.G.Wells' beautiful and original prose!

Take it as a film in its own right - it is badly written, badly directed, badly acted and has repeated hugely irritating moments, vast plot holes and is as inconsistent as a badly mixed flan.

What were they playing at? Why is Tom Cruise ever hired to play anything ever? Why was Tim Robbins, who is usually excellent (Nothing To Lose with Martin Lawrence - aside), reduced to playing a monosyllabic hick version of the excitable but deluded Ogilvy from the book? Why children? why family conflicts?
Why for the love of God Why!

If Spielberg wanted to make 'Generic Alien Attack movie where, unlike my previous attempts at the genre, people actually die' then fine he should have gone ahead and made that but to call this War of the Worlds is a case for consumer support groups everywhere.
What would you do if you bought a can of beans, got them home, opened them and found that it was infact a can of sick would you accept that?
Maybe these days you would, you'd probably give it to the kid you had when you
were 15, light up a cigarette, throw off your Burberry cap and wonder off, flick on the TV to see if anyone had copulated on Big Brother. I don't know anymore, I give up!

Ok so you could maybe say that my opinion of Tom Cruise, Spielberg, the script
or the film etc. were all just opinions and you'd be right but when you look at this, well I hesitate to call it a film, as an adaptation of the book (or indeed any other subsequent version of the story), then, you can't deny the fact that it remains a case for the advertising commission, for this is one film that doesn't do anything it says on the tin.

Effects and a couple of pretty images do NOT justify this film!
It wasn't even good popcorn b-movie laughable trash! I can sit through allsorts of stuff in the name of entertainment, I am not some film student sitting around in a Camden chic leather jacket discussing Kurosawa, Herzog, Polanski or Bergman, I like a trash 'They Came From Mars!' film as much as anyone else and probably more so! but it's just that this film doesn't even work on that level!
It irritates like finger nails on a blackboard.

Film Rants part 1

Ok. Time for a request. Please Please Please can all who read this letter never go and see another unworthy remake again. If we stop watching them, maybe they'll stop making them because as an avid film lover (not just a random fan!)
I don't remember ever hearing anyone, or reading a readers letter, or a review,
or hearing a critic saying:

"You know what we need? what we need is a remake of a very popular classic film with all the elements that made the original charming, intelligent, beautiful and timeless removed and instead replaced with the bare iconic bones of the story and a bunch of talentless, flavour-of-the-month, c-grade celebrity hairstyles wandering around slaughtering some dubious dialogue in the name of apparently suckering in a new audience"

For examples please see the remakes of -
Get Carter (I know lets set it in America!)
Dawn of the Dead (Zombies - check, Shopping Mall - check, Intelligence/metaphor/undertones/good dialogue - er.... in the post, Zombie baby - What the hell were they thinking??!!??!!)
The Italian Job (Heist - check, Minis - check, Italy - if we throw it in at the
beginning for 30 seconds maybe that will justify this
low-grade/half-arsed/atrocious film being made,
Bridger-dies-pathetic-daughter-romance-Ed-Norton sub-plot - What the hell were they thinking??!!??)
Also - Planet of the Apes, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Alfie and the more recent Willy Wonka (lets give Willy Wonka past family problems! YAY!), House of wax (Paris Hilton stars - excellent, from low-fi terrible ugly pornography to actress in one easy money-fuled step) and the mooted Evil Dead & The Whicker Man remake (AGGGGHHHHHH! - and these are just the tip of a large iceberg threatening to sink the titanic that is western film-making)

Classic excuses :
We have changed the setting, the plot, the characters & the themes but we are big fans of the original and are working hard to retain the original's 'spirit'
- What? what? what? I have actually read that as a paraphrased quote from the director of the upcoming Whicker Man remake. Read that again and think -Why? Why in the name of all that is godly and good.
This is a re-imagining - please read - er... we ran out of ideas and want your money.
and my favourite
To Introduce it to a new audience - For a start this doesn't hold a lot of Water considering I am 25 and yet 90% of my film collection was made before I was born and never overly advertised in my lifestyle and secondly do you ever hear a modern artist saying - "I know I shall re-paint the Mona Lisa to introduce it to a new audience only this time, lets give her a frown" or a modern musician saying - "You know, I love the Beatles but they need a new audience so lets get 4 less-talented people to dress up like them, call them the same name, play all the same music but then have the audacity to change the lyrics... Hey Jude is nice and everything but how about Hey Ian? Donald in the Sky with Rubies or Colonel Salt's Rotting Liver's Club Band ??"

Writers, If you have no ideas left and want to make a bad heist movies with minis and you want to add a convoluted sub-plot then DON'T call it the Italian
Job!
Producers, If you are so terrible at your jobs that you don't hire George A Romero for 12 years even though he has a really good script (Land of the dead)and yet you churn out film after film desecrating what he worked so hard to create - The Modern Zombie Film - and you really HAVE to make a zombie in a mall movie but take out everything that made the first film great - then DON'T call it Dawn of the Dead!

I urge people, take a look at these films again, not as remakes but as films in their own right, if they didn't have that name, that tag of security or reassurance, what would you be watching - say it with me - A Piece of Shit.

The Horrific London Attacks

I am writing this on the day that London and indeed the whole of England woke up to the horrific and upsetting news that there had been bomb attacks on our transport system.
I am writing this because I wanted to get out what I felt the day it all happened.
My emotions have changed during the day but when I first heard I was both shocked and worried as I have numerous friends who either live and work in London. I slowly through the course of the day found out that they were all , thankfully, ok. It was difficult at first though because of the mobile phones being only available for emergency calls in the city.
I have been at times depressed, upset, angered and fearful of todays events. Not fear for the terrorists themselves, luckily my psyche could not give the terrorists that pleasure but fearful at what now our culture will become.
We are a resillient, strong population of people and I don't want to see that changed by todays events.
I have been amazed by the footage I have seen on the news at just how calm and responsible and strong people in our dear capital have been. Also it was encouraging and amazing to see just how alert, together, stable and heroic our aid workers have been any of us who know anyone in the blast or were there ourselves can only owe them a great thanks and the rest of us can be proud at the way we have reacted.
This is a harrowing upseting and unforgiveable event. There is no explanation for it that I can understand or condone and although I hope for resolution and for London to return to the city I visit regularly, know and love , I am not sure after todays attacks than it can do.
Although today has been an emotional rather than political day for me I was angered to see George Bush making a statement about the 'goodness of the west', 'the evil ones' and his support of 'human rights'. Why doesn't he just shut up. There is good and bad around the world, on our doorstep and in far flung corners it is too naive to see this as a cowboy in white and cowboy in black scenario. Also to have George 'Dubya' Bush making speeches on peace and human rights - maybe he should start to practice what he preaches!
To the families and friends of the victims of todays horrific and upsetting attacks I send my heartfelt prayers and best wishes.
With pure love and strength we can carry on
With pure love and strength we will prevail
With pure love and strength we will end hate and fear.