You know you are out of touch when...

YOU DON'T WATCH BIG BROTHER

YOU DON'T KNOW 80% OF THE PEOPLE WHO APPEAR IN HEAT, OK, COSMO AND OTHER WASTE OF TIME RAGS

YOU LOOK AT THE CAST LIST FOR 'I'M A CELEBRITY.... GET ME OUT OF HERE' AND SAY WHO THE HELL?

YOU DON'T CARE IF PETER DOESN'T LOVE JORDON

REALITY TV MAKES YOU WANT TO BE SICK

HOME IMPROVEMENT PROGRAMMES MAKE YOU WANT TO KILL THINGS

YOU HATE MOVIE REMAKES AND WISH YOU COULD BURN EVERY COPY

YOU DON'T OVERLY CARE ABOUT YOUR HAIR

YOUR SHOES COST LESS THAN YOUR HOUSE

YOUR CLOTHES DON'T NEED DESIGNER LABELS

YOU ARE MALE AND YOU BELIEVE MOISTURISER, HAIR CARE PRODUCTS, MAKE UP, PERFUME ETC. IS ALL FOR GIRLS

THE MUSIC YOU LISTEN TO IS MADE BY PEOPLE WHO KNOW HOW TO PLAY AN INSTRUMENT, WRITE MUSIC AND SING WITHOUT THE AID OF COMPUTER TECHNOLOGY.

YOU DON'T CARE IF YOUR LADY PUTS ON A COUPLE OF POUNDS

YOU KNOW PORN DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON

YOU HAVE TO GET AN 8 YEAR OLD KID TO EXPLAIN WHAT FRICKIN' EMO MEANS!

YOUR MYSPACE PICTURE IS A PICTURE OF YOU WEARING CLOTHES

MONEY ISN'T THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WORK AN IPOD

YOU LIKE TOM WAITS

YOU KNOW OF BRUCE CAMPBELL

YOU THINK COMIC BOOK MOVIES HAVE GONE WAY TO FAR AND THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THEM

YOU THINK THERE SHOULD ONLY BE ONE OR TWO INGREDIENTS IN YOUR SANDWICHES AND ONE OF THEM SHOULDN'T BE FRICKIN' OLIVES

YOU HATE JERRY SPRINGER, TRISHA, DR.PHIL ETC.

YOU DON'T THINK THE 80S WERE COOL OR CHEESY

YOU WANT MADONNA TO DROP DEAD

YOU HATE FOOTBALL AND MOST OTHER TELEVISED SPORT

YOU HATE CHAIN COMPANY PUBS

YOU HATE EVERY HIGH STREET IN ENGLAND LOOKING THE SAME

YOU HATE PAYING £9.99 IN A PUB RESTAURANT FOR SOME HAM EGG AND CHIPS

NOTHING ON TV HAS MADE YOU IN THE LEAST BIT EXCITED, HAPPY, LAUGH, INFORMED OR ENTERTAINED FOR ABOUT 5 YEARS

YOU THINK WOMEN SHOULD BE LOVED AND VALUED ON THEIR PERSONALITY, THEIR TALENT, THEIR ABILITY, THEIR CHARM AND THEIR SENSE OF HUMOUR AND NOT ON THE SIZE OF THEIR TITS, HOW NICE THEIR SKIN IS OR HOW MUCH THEY PAY FOR THEIR HAIR CUTS.

YOU HOLD YOUR NOSE WHEN YOU WALK THROUGH TESCOS

YOU HATE THAT YOU HAVE TO GIVE UP YOUR IDEALS, PRINCIPLES, YOUR FAITH, YOUR LIKES AND DISSLIKES JUST TO HOLD A CONVESATION WITH SOMEONE WITHOUT UPSETTING THEM OR CONFRONTING THEIR FRAGILE PSYCHE

YOU WANT TO SET FIRE TO ANYONE CARRYING AN ENGLAND FLAG, WEARING AN ENGLAND FOTBALL TOP, OR ANYONE WHO FEELS THE NEED TO DRAP ENGLAND MEMORIBILIA FROM THEIR TATTY BALCONIES.

YOU STILL SMOKE

YOU DRINK WHISKEY WITHOUT A MIXER
EVERYTHING YOU LOVE AND HOLD DEAR HAS BEEN PISSED ON SOMEWAY BY A LARGE COMPANY OR CORPORATION.