Film Rants part 1

Ok. Time for a request. Please Please Please can all who read this letter never go and see another unworthy remake again. If we stop watching them, maybe they'll stop making them because as an avid film lover (not just a random fan!)
I don't remember ever hearing anyone, or reading a readers letter, or a review,
or hearing a critic saying:

"You know what we need? what we need is a remake of a very popular classic film with all the elements that made the original charming, intelligent, beautiful and timeless removed and instead replaced with the bare iconic bones of the story and a bunch of talentless, flavour-of-the-month, c-grade celebrity hairstyles wandering around slaughtering some dubious dialogue in the name of apparently suckering in a new audience"

For examples please see the remakes of -
Get Carter (I know lets set it in America!)
Dawn of the Dead (Zombies - check, Shopping Mall - check, Intelligence/metaphor/undertones/good dialogue - er.... in the post, Zombie baby - What the hell were they thinking??!!??!!)
The Italian Job (Heist - check, Minis - check, Italy - if we throw it in at the
beginning for 30 seconds maybe that will justify this
low-grade/half-arsed/atrocious film being made,
Bridger-dies-pathetic-daughter-romance-Ed-Norton sub-plot - What the hell were they thinking??!!??)
Also - Planet of the Apes, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Alfie and the more recent Willy Wonka (lets give Willy Wonka past family problems! YAY!), House of wax (Paris Hilton stars - excellent, from low-fi terrible ugly pornography to actress in one easy money-fuled step) and the mooted Evil Dead & The Whicker Man remake (AGGGGHHHHHH! - and these are just the tip of a large iceberg threatening to sink the titanic that is western film-making)

Classic excuses :
We have changed the setting, the plot, the characters & the themes but we are big fans of the original and are working hard to retain the original's 'spirit'
- What? what? what? I have actually read that as a paraphrased quote from the director of the upcoming Whicker Man remake. Read that again and think -Why? Why in the name of all that is godly and good.
This is a re-imagining - please read - er... we ran out of ideas and want your money.
and my favourite
To Introduce it to a new audience - For a start this doesn't hold a lot of Water considering I am 25 and yet 90% of my film collection was made before I was born and never overly advertised in my lifestyle and secondly do you ever hear a modern artist saying - "I know I shall re-paint the Mona Lisa to introduce it to a new audience only this time, lets give her a frown" or a modern musician saying - "You know, I love the Beatles but they need a new audience so lets get 4 less-talented people to dress up like them, call them the same name, play all the same music but then have the audacity to change the lyrics... Hey Jude is nice and everything but how about Hey Ian? Donald in the Sky with Rubies or Colonel Salt's Rotting Liver's Club Band ??"

Writers, If you have no ideas left and want to make a bad heist movies with minis and you want to add a convoluted sub-plot then DON'T call it the Italian
Job!
Producers, If you are so terrible at your jobs that you don't hire George A Romero for 12 years even though he has a really good script (Land of the dead)and yet you churn out film after film desecrating what he worked so hard to create - The Modern Zombie Film - and you really HAVE to make a zombie in a mall movie but take out everything that made the first film great - then DON'T call it Dawn of the Dead!

I urge people, take a look at these films again, not as remakes but as films in their own right, if they didn't have that name, that tag of security or reassurance, what would you be watching - say it with me - A Piece of Shit.